May 7th
My father died May 9th. I did not make it to see him in Thailand. So quick.so sad.
My grief has had ups and downs. Mainly still in disbelief that he is really and truly gone. Days this month mainly blank- forgetting things, on edge,
Work I have had to cut down to the basics. Tell me what I need to do today and not more....,
Running has kept me afloat. After I found out he had made a turn for the worse, I got on the treadmill and ran for 3 hrs.
I have not stopped my training, if anything it has increased. I've had to stop myself from running more to numb the pain and feelings.
My running friends gave me the best support ever. More than my family. They gave me hope and love. My coach has been supportive above all. I thank everyone each and every thought and word.
I hope no one has to go though this pain. I know we will through.
Focusing back on my goals for June marathon and mt. Championships kept my mind off of my dad. Kept my mind moving forward with my legs. It kept me from from crashing into sadness each day. It has always been there with me. Resilient. I am. Train I told myself. And I did.
Gate City marathon I did not want to start. Mentally not ready.
But I did.
In a haze of saddened thoughts I started
I ran
I wanted so badly to stop.
I did not.
I was going to finish no matter what.
Run legs go go go
I turned my music up.
I was at mile 18.
I fell really bad, hitting my head, arms and knees. I lost 10min of time there. I got up and immediately started crying so loudly , breaking down with blood on my legs and face and dirt everywhere,
I kept going. Crying
No idea I was the lead women.
I finished and they said I was first
My win was after I was done in the medical tent , an hour there, that I had finished. For my dad .
All heart.
Through and by this time, I focused ahead
I foraged into my training routine and embraced it harder.
I am now stronger. I will race faster ahead. I will feed my crazy daily. Bring on humongous challenges. I'll tackle them head on
